Healing Personalized

An update on my healing. Yesterday, and even before, I felt the Lord wanted me to quit taking hormones, so I did last night. The result was a difficult night, which raised some interesting questions. What does the Lord want to accomplish? Does He want to heal me of all post-menopausal symptoms? Or does He want to strengthen me in the "inner man," so that I have complete victory over crabbiness, sleeplessness, mental confusion and lack of focus, without removing the outward symptoms? What about the doctor? If I don't cooperate with her, how can I expect her to cooperate with me? If I just quit my medicine, and continue to struggle with symptoms, what kind of witness is that? (Of course, there is always the possibility that the Lord will do a complete, but delayed, healing). Can this be done in a way that makes the doctor a partner, and the recipient of a witness? If so, how? Does the Lord want to completely remove the need for a doctor? If so, does that justify alienating the doctor? This healing is not just about me. How is what happens going to affect not only the doctor, but others also? What does the Lord want to accomplish in their lives? How long do I wait before concluding that maybe I was mistaken in my perception of what the Lord wants to do, and wants me to do? Ideally, I would like satisfying answers to these questions before I continue down this road. But I also want to trust and obey the Lord completely. So, what next? Such are some of the challenges of total commitment to the Lord. And in reflection on the televangelist in my previous blog, the above questions need to be seriously addressed by persons who seek and do not receive healing. It's not always a matter of faith. It's also what the Lord wants to accomplish. To dismiss such questions (which, by the way, do not have pat answers), or to answer them superficially and stereotypically, can be damaging to the one who was not healed, and it reveals the heart of the human instrument of healing.