Surprise! Surprise!

Two nights ago I was spiritually restless and wrestling with fears. When I decided to apply for disability, the fears disappeared. I almost couldn't believe it! Can it be that the Lord wants me to go on disability? I was talking to a long-time trusted Christian friend and prayer partner about this yesterday. Her insights were helpful. As I reflected on this afterward, things started to fall into place. Not so long ago, the Lord directed me to let the church take care of me. That fits. When I came home from Africa in 1989, I had it in my mind that I had to make it on my own, thinking no one would take care of me. And in fact, hardly anyone did. However, I got into a survival mode and couldn't get out. The Lord started taking away my ability to take care of myself, by means of various and numerous health issues. Still, I wanted to work, if I could. It's a Biblical thing to do. I'm happier working and make better use of my time. Nevertheless, I've reached the point of realizing that there's almost nothing out there that I'm physically capable of doing any more. Or I lack the necessary credentials and have no money to do anything about it. The Lord seemed to slam every door in my face. So, I've gone from the survival mode, thinking I had to do everything on my own, to knowing I can't do anything on my own and having to depend on others. The Lord has forced me to be dependent! This fits, too. Very soon, I should hear from Vocational Rehab. Vocational Rehab is not incompatible with disability. Alot of disabled people work part-time or seasonally. Still, I don't know what the Lord wants to do about that. I'll find out, I guess. Earlier in the year, the Lord showed me that I was going to go a way I'd never been before (Joshua 3:4?). This surely fits!